Friday, February 10, 2012

Week 3: Weigh In

This week was a tough food week for me since it was my birthday week.  I stayed mostly on track, but I'm not surprised at my smallish loss for the week.  After all, I had Thai food on Friday, ribs over the weekend, and a big old hamburger on Monday night with the girls.  But, it is all good in the hood.  I lost 1.6 lbs this week; for a total of over 13 lbs down.  I should be in the 330s in no time, which is amazing and wonderful.

I know that I'm only three weeks in and I have a very long road ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to the journey.  I just have to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race.  I didn't put on this weight overnight, so I can't expect it to fall off in a few short months.  I just have to keep working the program and the program will work, even if it's one pound at a time. 

I did take a photo of the scale on Thursday morning, but the lighting was terrible so you can't really see anything.  *sigh*  Maybe next week I'll have success.  Who knew that taking a simple photo could be so hard?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Weight Loss + Scrapbooking = Creativity with a Purpose

I am a scrapbooker and I have been for several years, even before my daughter was born.  I got into because a dear friend of mine was a scrapbooker and because I wanted an excuse to use all the pretty patterned paper that I would see at Michael's.  Well, roughly 1000 sheets of patterned paper later, I am addicted.  I'll admit that I love collecting all of the bits and bobs involved in the hobby, but I do love the art of it. Yes, I think of it as an art.  It may not be as "cool" as other art forms, but I love being able to tell a story through photos, paper, and embellishments.  I'm not the most creative person ever, but scrapbooking and related arts, make me feel creative.  It's also a great stress relief for me. 

So, as I was wandering through Michael's the other day, I found a Smash Book.  This product came out a few months ago and took the scrapbooking world by storm.  It would sell out immediately online.  It took forever for the big box stores to get it in stock.  Basically it's a spiral bound notebook with patterned paper.  There are various embellishments you can buy for it as well.  It's a really cool product. 

I was trying to think of a way to both document and inspire my journey.  I wanted a physical reminder of my goals and my reasons for doing this.  I love writing my thoughts in a blog format, but I felt the need to do something *more*. 

So, I pulled out my paper and glue and sundry other supplies and got to work.  I'm only a few pages in, but I'm really liking it so far.  I feel energized and really creative after working on it. 

This is the title page -- you can't tell, but the word "fat" is glitter letters
Another shot of the cover page.  The word "project" is comprised of fuzzy felt letters.
The first two pages.  The one on the left was just a plain green page, but I added patterned paper to jazz it up and made a pocket to hide some journaling. 

The "here's the story" embellishment is a transparancy that I glued to the inside of the pocket. The sheet of paper in the pocket is kind of a summary of my life as a fat girl and why I'm changing, now. Since it's fairly personal, I wanted to keep the journaling hidden.

I found it really ironic that the first page had a graphic that said "we baked you a cake." So, I added a little WW humor. I also had the tickets in my stash and when I saw them, I couldn't get the phrase "I Love You like a Fat Kid Loves Cake" out of my head. So I went with it.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Fullness, a NSV

Friday was my birthday.  My lovely husband took me out for Thai food.  I hoarded points all day so I could eat my Pad Thai with a minimum of guilt.  After all, it's 10 points a cup, and we know what kind of serving sizes most restaurants have.  So, we get settled in at the restaurant and I get to chose the appetizer.  I resisted the calamari and the spring rolls -- both deep fried, but oh so yummy.  I decided to get these shrimp-crab-pork wonton things because they sound relatively healthy.  They were AMAZING.  I could have eaten about 10 of them, but I stuck with my half of the order, just three. 

The entrees arrive and I dive into my Pad Thai.  Dive in because, well, I had been hoarding points all day and frankly, I was starving.   But you know what?  As I ate, I started to feel full.  And for the first time in a long time, I paid attention to what my body was feeling.  I. Stopped. Eating. When. I. Got. Full.  I had half of the plate left, but I pushed it to the side and didn't nibble my way through the rest of it. 

We didn't get desert at the restaurant, but I suggested that we go next door to the Yogi Castle which is a frozen yogurt place.  they had a dozen flavors, all low fat or fat free, so a healthy choice, right?  I was making up my mind what I should get when I realized that I was still full.  I didn't want (nor need) any frozen yogurt.

We walked out without getting anything. 

What the hell?  I listened to my body twice in one evening?  Is this a sign of the apocalypse? 

To normal eaters, it's not big deal to stop eating when you're full.  Normal eaters know when they're full.  They don't feel guilty if they don't clean their plate.  They don't feel anxious that if they don't eat something right then and there, even if they're full or not hungry, that the food will disappear and they'll never have the chance to eat it again.  They don't enjoy the feeling of being stuffed to overflowing. 

However, I am not a normal eater.  I don't think I technically count as a compulsive overeater or as a binger, but I do have some of those tendencies.   I feel a compulsion to clean my plate.  If I can't decide what I want, I sometimes think that I have to order a bit of everything so I don't miss out on something that I will wish later that I had eaten.  It's hard for me to tell when I'm full versus stuffed. 

Normal people would not have viewed this as a victory for me, but it was indeed a victory for me and I'm very proud of myself.  I slowed down, listened to my body, and more imporantly, I heeded what my body was telling me. .  It was indeed an excellent birthday.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Self-Gratuitious Posting

Happy Birthday to ME! Happy Birthday to me!  Happy Birthday, dear Sarah, Happy Birthday to me!

Okay, we can return to our regulary scheduled programing.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Week 2: Weigh In

I actually was excited to step on the scale this morning.   I know that seems a bit crazy, but it's the truth.  I just had a good feeling about this week.  I've been within my points all week.

Plus, I now have a scale that is actually consistent.  I know, a novel concept, expecting one's scale to provide the same reading within a 5 minute time span.  So, I went into this weigh in feeling good, but also knowing that the number on the scale may not be exactly right because I've switched scales.  As anyone who has ever used scales know, two scales rarely give you the same weight.  You can weigh one thing at the doctor's office, a completely diferent number at home, and a completely different one at the gym.  And I'm not talking about the gain and loss that natural occurs throughout the day as you eat and drink water; the weight can vary by 10 lbs sometimes!

ANYWAY, when I got on the scale this morning, sans clothes (!), I weighed 344 lbs!  That is -6.6 lbs since last week!  For a total loss of 11.6 lbs!  Go me!  I can now say that I am out of the 350s and it feels AMAZING to say that. I hope to never see them again. 

I meant to take a picture of the readout this morning so I have a picture to go with my post, but I forgot.  Weighing in before work is actually a little tricky for me.  My husband is a morning showerer so I get the munchkin up, changed, dressed, and give her her bottle.  My husband fixes the bottle before his shower.  I then get myself dressed and wait to finish doing my morning routine once Diego is out of the shower (he takes the longest showers ever.  I have no idea why it takes such a skinny man such a long time to get clean!).  However, I prefer to weigh in nekkid.  Clothes add like a pound or two to your weight. Why would I want to artificially inflate my weight like that ;-)

So, on Thursday mornings that puts us a little bit behind schedule.  I hate being behind schedule.  I get very anxious if we're running late.  You would have thought that a two year old would have broken me of that habit, but old habits die hard.  Anyway, the moral of the story is, it's a production to weigh myself on Thursday mornings, so that's why I forgot the camera.  If I didn't have it upstairs with me, there was no way I was going to remember this morning.  Which I didn't.  Maybe next weei.

I'm still on a mental high from the big loss, but now I need to focus on keeping myself motivated.  I know that it's unlikely that I'll have a big loss again next week; it's a commonly accepted "rule" that in the beginning the weight comes off pretty easily, but as you continue to lose the rate of loss slows down.  Alot of people get discouraged by this, especially if they're used to seeing 5 lb losses.  But, at some point your body adjusts to the fewer calories and responds accordingly.  And, everything I've read says that a slower rate of loss is better for you in the long run.

I just have to keep telling myself that slow and steady wins the race.  I just have to focus on today and not worry about what tomorrow or next week will bring. Because if I do the best I can each and every day, I'm bound to see results, even if they are small results.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

What motivates you?

I've had motivation on my mind for the last couple of days. I know that I have a long haul ahead when it comes to weight loss.  After all, I'd have to lose 190 - 200 pounds to be considered a healthy weight by most medical professionals.  Even to just get to my personal goal of under 200, I'll have to lose over 150 lbs. 

I generally try to avoid thinking about the total amount I have to lose because it's daunting and a bit overwhelming.  Even if lose the equivalent of an average sized woman, I'll still be considered to be overweight.  If I start to think about the magnitude of what lies ahead, my anxiety and negative self-talk starts to kick in.

I have enough experience with anxiety and negative self-talk that I try to avoid that at all costs because I know that I can work myself into a tizzy that takes days to crawl out of.  Tizzy is a technical term, of course :-)

In order to keep me (mostly) sane, I choose not to think about the magnitude of a 150 lb loss.  Instead, I try to rationalize that I just have to lose 10 lbs, 15 times.  That is MUCH more manageable.  I can do that.  I try not to think too far ahead; I concentrate on the here and now.  I worry about staying On Plan for the day or the week, but not much further out than that.

And that is well and good, but I still face the problem of how to stay motivated to stay On Plan, to make healthier choices, to lose 10 lbs 15 times. I'm still in the honeymoon stage; I'm just two weeks in and I lost an amazing 5 lbs my first week.  But, anyone will tell you that the honeymoon phase wears off soon enough and the rate of weight loss slows down.  I think that I am going into this with the right mindset -- that I just need to keep going and not let things derail me.  I know that there will be bad days and bad weeks.  But, I need to just pick up the pieces and start anew the next day.  I'm hoping that I can keep that at the forefront of my mind as I go through this journey.

But, to be honest, I haven't given a lot of thought as to how I'll keep myself motivated.  I have a few nebulous ideas that I need to put into action.

I came across this blog post a few days ago about "Motivation Marbles" and it really struck a chord with me. I LOVE the idea of having a visual reminder of my efforts.  So, I snuck out of work for a bit yesterday and took a trip to Michaels.  I picked up my glass gems and two jars and when I got home last night, I started to count out the gems and put them in the jars I had purchased.  However, the jars are much too large for what I want -- I want the "pounds to go" jar pretty full, without a lot of empty space. So, I need to head back to exchange them on Thursday.  But, I should have this all set up by Friday.  I just have to figure out where to keep them.  I have a two year old, so I need to make sure they're not somewhere where she can easily get to them.  Otherwise I will either have a giant mess on my hands, or a two year old who has swallowed vase filler. Neither is a good thing.

During my adventure at Michaels, I also came across Smash Books.  Being a scrapbooker, I knew all about them, but I had never really had a chance to flip through one before as it was just recently that they've made it to the big box stores. They are quite the hot lick in the Scrapbooking world right now; they flew off the shelves of online stores.   As I looked through them, I thought that they would be a great way to do my Beck Diet Solution exercises.  The book suggests using index cards, and at first I thought that was great, but I think it would be awesome to use the Smash Book instead.  That way I can include all kinds of stuff from the response cards that are talked about in the book, to random thoughts, quotes, articles, etc. 

Of course, having a bit of a shopping addiction, I couldn't decide between the pink folio or the orange folio, so I bought both.  Oy.

I'm sure as I continue, I'll find ways to motivate myself. I know a lot of people reward themselves with things like jewelry or manicures or books or something. Maybe I should institute that.  For every 10 lbs I lose, I get a little something-something.  Hmmm....that would pair well with my shopping addiction ;-)

How do you keep yourself motivated?