I am many things.
I am strong. I am smart. I am, yes, even pretty, even at 350.6 lbs. I am resilient.
I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague.
I am funny. I am serious. I am introspective.
I am a hard worker. I am honest. I am ethical. I am loving. I am well-spoken. I am a good cook and a better baker.
I am also fat.
Why is it that the last item on my list is what tends to define me, at least to strangers?
I have come to realize that you have two choices living as a fat person -- you can let life beat you down or you can let life make you stronger. Society is not kind to fat people; you need a thick skin to survive out there (no pun intended). I chose to tell Society Eff You; I can be fat and happy and smart and funny and pretty and a good person.
I am not losing weight because I hate myself. I'm losing weight because I love myself. I am losing weight to be healthy; so that I can live a long life and spoil my future grandchildren rotten.
Unfortunately many of my fellow fat people have let Society beat them down. They truly believe that they are lesser human beings because they are fat. That they are unlovable at their size. That they are everything that society tells them they are: ugly, lazy, unkempt, dumb, weak. That is bullshit. BULLSHIT.
However, it's hard not to believe the hype. It's hard not to fall into the trap of "well, other people say it, so it must be true." And that is why it's so hard not to beat yourself up and think the worst when you have a bad meal, a bad day, a bad week. When you see a teeny tiny loss on the scale or worse, a gain. So many overweight people are so used to hearing and thinking the worst about themselves that they've internalized it so much that *they* believe it. They had that piece of cake, they might as well throw up their hands and eat the whole cake now. They gained a pound, so they might as well throw in the towel and stop trying.
Instead of acknowledging and celebrating the numerous things they've done right, they only focus on what they've screwed up.
Fat people need to learn to both be more gentle and more tough with themselves. Gentler, in the sense that we all mess up sometimes. Doing so is not the end of the world. Doing so does not mean that you can't just pick up the pieces and keeping moving forward. You have to be gentle enough to fogive yourself. Tougher in that you need to tell yourself not to take the easy way out. You need to toughen up mentally and physically, face your demons about food and your self-worth, and stick it out. You need to be tough enough to keep moving in the direction that you want to go.
Change is hard. I personally hate change. I am a creature of habit, of the status quo. But, I am choosing to change. Once again, not because I hate who I am, but because I love who I am. I love my family. I care enough about myself and my family to make the choice to pursue a healthier lifestyle, to take care of myself, and to do everything I can to be around for a long, long time.
I know this won't be easy. I'm sure I'll trip along the way. But, I'm going to give it my all.
Always remember:
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| From the amazing http://photoblog.shapes.se/index.php?showimage=332 |
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