Friday was my birthday. My lovely husband took me out for Thai food. I hoarded points all day so I could eat my Pad Thai with a minimum of guilt. After all, it's 10 points a cup, and we know what kind of serving sizes most restaurants have. So, we get settled in at the restaurant and I get to chose the appetizer. I resisted the calamari and the spring rolls -- both deep fried, but oh so yummy. I decided to get these shrimp-crab-pork wonton things because they sound relatively healthy. They were AMAZING. I could have eaten about 10 of them, but I stuck with my half of the order, just three.
The entrees arrive and I dive into my Pad Thai. Dive in because, well, I had been hoarding points all day and frankly, I was starving. But you know what? As I ate, I started to feel full. And for the first time in a long time, I paid attention to what my body was feeling. I. Stopped. Eating. When. I. Got. Full. I had half of the plate left, but I pushed it to the side and didn't nibble my way through the rest of it.
We didn't get desert at the restaurant, but I suggested that we go next door to the Yogi Castle which is a frozen yogurt place. they had a dozen flavors, all low fat or fat free, so a healthy choice, right? I was making up my mind what I should get when I realized that I was still full. I didn't want (nor need) any frozen yogurt.
We walked out without getting anything.
What the hell? I listened to my body twice in one evening? Is this a sign of the apocalypse?
To normal eaters, it's not big deal to stop eating when you're full. Normal eaters know when they're full. They don't feel guilty if they don't clean their plate. They don't feel anxious that if they don't eat something right then and there, even if they're full or not hungry, that the food will disappear and they'll never have the chance to eat it again. They don't enjoy the feeling of being stuffed to overflowing.
However, I am not a normal eater. I don't think I technically count as a compulsive overeater or as a binger, but I do have some of those tendencies. I feel a compulsion to clean my plate. If I can't decide what I want, I sometimes think that I have to order a bit of everything so I don't miss out on something that I will wish later that I had eaten. It's hard for me to tell when I'm full versus stuffed.
Normal people would not have viewed this as a victory for me, but it was indeed a victory for me and I'm very proud of myself. I slowed down, listened to my body, and more imporantly, I heeded what my body was telling me. . It was indeed an excellent birthday.
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Week 2: Weigh In
I actually was excited to step on the scale this morning. I know that seems a bit crazy, but it's the truth. I just had a good feeling about this week. I've been within my points all week.
Plus, I now have a scale that is actually consistent. I know, a novel concept, expecting one's scale to provide the same reading within a 5 minute time span. So, I went into this weigh in feeling good, but also knowing that the number on the scale may not be exactly right because I've switched scales. As anyone who has ever used scales know, two scales rarely give you the same weight. You can weigh one thing at the doctor's office, a completely diferent number at home, and a completely different one at the gym. And I'm not talking about the gain and loss that natural occurs throughout the day as you eat and drink water; the weight can vary by 10 lbs sometimes!
ANYWAY, when I got on the scale this morning, sans clothes (!), I weighed 344 lbs! That is -6.6 lbs since last week! For a total loss of 11.6 lbs! Go me! I can now say that I am out of the 350s and it feels AMAZING to say that. I hope to never see them again.
I meant to take a picture of the readout this morning so I have a picture to go with my post, but I forgot. Weighing in before work is actually a little tricky for me. My husband is a morning showerer so I get the munchkin up, changed, dressed, and give her her bottle. My husband fixes the bottle before his shower. I then get myself dressed and wait to finish doing my morning routine once Diego is out of the shower (he takes the longest showers ever. I have no idea why it takes such a skinny man such a long time to get clean!). However, I prefer to weigh in nekkid. Clothes add like a pound or two to your weight. Why would I want to artificially inflate my weight like that ;-)
So, on Thursday mornings that puts us a little bit behind schedule. I hate being behind schedule. I get very anxious if we're running late. You would have thought that a two year old would have broken me of that habit, but old habits die hard. Anyway, the moral of the story is, it's a production to weigh myself on Thursday mornings, so that's why I forgot the camera. If I didn't have it upstairs with me, there was no way I was going to remember this morning. Which I didn't. Maybe next weei.
I'm still on a mental high from the big loss, but now I need to focus on keeping myself motivated. I know that it's unlikely that I'll have a big loss again next week; it's a commonly accepted "rule" that in the beginning the weight comes off pretty easily, but as you continue to lose the rate of loss slows down. Alot of people get discouraged by this, especially if they're used to seeing 5 lb losses. But, at some point your body adjusts to the fewer calories and responds accordingly. And, everything I've read says that a slower rate of loss is better for you in the long run.
I just have to keep telling myself that slow and steady wins the race. I just have to focus on today and not worry about what tomorrow or next week will bring. Because if I do the best I can each and every day, I'm bound to see results, even if they are small results.
Plus, I now have a scale that is actually consistent. I know, a novel concept, expecting one's scale to provide the same reading within a 5 minute time span. So, I went into this weigh in feeling good, but also knowing that the number on the scale may not be exactly right because I've switched scales. As anyone who has ever used scales know, two scales rarely give you the same weight. You can weigh one thing at the doctor's office, a completely diferent number at home, and a completely different one at the gym. And I'm not talking about the gain and loss that natural occurs throughout the day as you eat and drink water; the weight can vary by 10 lbs sometimes!
ANYWAY, when I got on the scale this morning, sans clothes (!), I weighed 344 lbs! That is -6.6 lbs since last week! For a total loss of 11.6 lbs! Go me! I can now say that I am out of the 350s and it feels AMAZING to say that. I hope to never see them again.
I meant to take a picture of the readout this morning so I have a picture to go with my post, but I forgot. Weighing in before work is actually a little tricky for me. My husband is a morning showerer so I get the munchkin up, changed, dressed, and give her her bottle. My husband fixes the bottle before his shower. I then get myself dressed and wait to finish doing my morning routine once Diego is out of the shower (he takes the longest showers ever. I have no idea why it takes such a skinny man such a long time to get clean!). However, I prefer to weigh in nekkid. Clothes add like a pound or two to your weight. Why would I want to artificially inflate my weight like that ;-)
So, on Thursday mornings that puts us a little bit behind schedule. I hate being behind schedule. I get very anxious if we're running late. You would have thought that a two year old would have broken me of that habit, but old habits die hard. Anyway, the moral of the story is, it's a production to weigh myself on Thursday mornings, so that's why I forgot the camera. If I didn't have it upstairs with me, there was no way I was going to remember this morning. Which I didn't. Maybe next weei.
I'm still on a mental high from the big loss, but now I need to focus on keeping myself motivated. I know that it's unlikely that I'll have a big loss again next week; it's a commonly accepted "rule" that in the beginning the weight comes off pretty easily, but as you continue to lose the rate of loss slows down. Alot of people get discouraged by this, especially if they're used to seeing 5 lb losses. But, at some point your body adjusts to the fewer calories and responds accordingly. And, everything I've read says that a slower rate of loss is better for you in the long run.
I just have to keep telling myself that slow and steady wins the race. I just have to focus on today and not worry about what tomorrow or next week will bring. Because if I do the best I can each and every day, I'm bound to see results, even if they are small results.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
A Fat Girl Manifesto
This is my Fat Girl Manifesto
I am many things.
I am strong. I am smart. I am, yes, even pretty, even at 350.6 lbs. I am resilient.
I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague.
I am funny. I am serious. I am introspective.
I am a hard worker. I am honest. I am ethical. I am loving. I am well-spoken. I am a good cook and a better baker.
I am also fat.
Why is it that the last item on my list is what tends to define me, at least to strangers?
I have come to realize that you have two choices living as a fat person -- you can let life beat you down or you can let life make you stronger. Society is not kind to fat people; you need a thick skin to survive out there (no pun intended). I chose to tell Society Eff You; I can be fat and happy and smart and funny and pretty and a good person.
I am not losing weight because I hate myself. I'm losing weight because I love myself. I am losing weight to be healthy; so that I can live a long life and spoil my future grandchildren rotten.
Unfortunately many of my fellow fat people have let Society beat them down. They truly believe that they are lesser human beings because they are fat. That they are unlovable at their size. That they are everything that society tells them they are: ugly, lazy, unkempt, dumb, weak. That is bullshit. BULLSHIT.
However, it's hard not to believe the hype. It's hard not to fall into the trap of "well, other people say it, so it must be true." And that is why it's so hard not to beat yourself up and think the worst when you have a bad meal, a bad day, a bad week. When you see a teeny tiny loss on the scale or worse, a gain. So many overweight people are so used to hearing and thinking the worst about themselves that they've internalized it so much that *they* believe it. They had that piece of cake, they might as well throw up their hands and eat the whole cake now. They gained a pound, so they might as well throw in the towel and stop trying.
Instead of acknowledging and celebrating the numerous things they've done right, they only focus on what they've screwed up.
Fat people need to learn to both be more gentle and more tough with themselves. Gentler, in the sense that we all mess up sometimes. Doing so is not the end of the world. Doing so does not mean that you can't just pick up the pieces and keeping moving forward. You have to be gentle enough to fogive yourself. Tougher in that you need to tell yourself not to take the easy way out. You need to toughen up mentally and physically, face your demons about food and your self-worth, and stick it out. You need to be tough enough to keep moving in the direction that you want to go.
Change is hard. I personally hate change. I am a creature of habit, of the status quo. But, I am choosing to change. Once again, not because I hate who I am, but because I love who I am. I love my family. I care enough about myself and my family to make the choice to pursue a healthier lifestyle, to take care of myself, and to do everything I can to be around for a long, long time.
I know this won't be easy. I'm sure I'll trip along the way. But, I'm going to give it my all.
Always remember:
I am many things.
I am strong. I am smart. I am, yes, even pretty, even at 350.6 lbs. I am resilient.
I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague.
I am funny. I am serious. I am introspective.
I am a hard worker. I am honest. I am ethical. I am loving. I am well-spoken. I am a good cook and a better baker.
I am also fat.
Why is it that the last item on my list is what tends to define me, at least to strangers?
I have come to realize that you have two choices living as a fat person -- you can let life beat you down or you can let life make you stronger. Society is not kind to fat people; you need a thick skin to survive out there (no pun intended). I chose to tell Society Eff You; I can be fat and happy and smart and funny and pretty and a good person.
I am not losing weight because I hate myself. I'm losing weight because I love myself. I am losing weight to be healthy; so that I can live a long life and spoil my future grandchildren rotten.
Unfortunately many of my fellow fat people have let Society beat them down. They truly believe that they are lesser human beings because they are fat. That they are unlovable at their size. That they are everything that society tells them they are: ugly, lazy, unkempt, dumb, weak. That is bullshit. BULLSHIT.
However, it's hard not to believe the hype. It's hard not to fall into the trap of "well, other people say it, so it must be true." And that is why it's so hard not to beat yourself up and think the worst when you have a bad meal, a bad day, a bad week. When you see a teeny tiny loss on the scale or worse, a gain. So many overweight people are so used to hearing and thinking the worst about themselves that they've internalized it so much that *they* believe it. They had that piece of cake, they might as well throw up their hands and eat the whole cake now. They gained a pound, so they might as well throw in the towel and stop trying.
Instead of acknowledging and celebrating the numerous things they've done right, they only focus on what they've screwed up.
Fat people need to learn to both be more gentle and more tough with themselves. Gentler, in the sense that we all mess up sometimes. Doing so is not the end of the world. Doing so does not mean that you can't just pick up the pieces and keeping moving forward. You have to be gentle enough to fogive yourself. Tougher in that you need to tell yourself not to take the easy way out. You need to toughen up mentally and physically, face your demons about food and your self-worth, and stick it out. You need to be tough enough to keep moving in the direction that you want to go.
Change is hard. I personally hate change. I am a creature of habit, of the status quo. But, I am choosing to change. Once again, not because I hate who I am, but because I love who I am. I love my family. I care enough about myself and my family to make the choice to pursue a healthier lifestyle, to take care of myself, and to do everything I can to be around for a long, long time.
I know this won't be easy. I'm sure I'll trip along the way. But, I'm going to give it my all.
Always remember:
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| From the amazing http://photoblog.shapes.se/index.php?showimage=332 |
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Week 1: Weigh In
I am having a love/hate relationship with my scale right now. Last night I tested it in the bathroom and it game me the same weight reading each time. This morning, it gave me multiple readings, some that differed by as much as a pound. That is annoying. But, I keep telling myself that as long as the scale isn't going up, that's a good thing.
So, I decided to take the most "middle" weight. Drumroll please.....350.6. 5 lbs gone!
So, I decided to take the most "middle" weight. Drumroll please.....350.6. 5 lbs gone!
And if anyone is interested, here is the chart of my meals this week as well as my good health guidelines and activity level. You'll notice that I was a bad WW member in that I averaged less than my daily allotment of points, which is not recommended. I also was very lax in the water and dairy department. This week, I'm going to commit to eating/drinking more dairy and getting in more water. I think that water may help with the hunger pangs I have when I shouldn't be hungry anymore.
Yes, I have no activity points. Right now, I need to get a handle on my eating, then I can up the activity level. I am taking the stairs between my floor and the floor below, so that is a small step.
They've taken away one point from my daily allotment so now I'm at 53 points. Wheeee!
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